I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
