actually, I'm a sock model
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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