I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
