I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
