Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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