sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
