The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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