It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
