Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
