you have to choose: penises or morals?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
