Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
