My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize