I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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