How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
