He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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