We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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