you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize