i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
