I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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