I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
