dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
