Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
