The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
