i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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