I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
