JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
