The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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