if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
