A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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