He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
