How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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