and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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