Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
