i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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