I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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