I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
