This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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