She announced her abortion via fbk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
