i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
