peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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