why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize