Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
