This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
