Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
