I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
