I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
