We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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