Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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