Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
too bad you live with your parents still
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was not drunk enough for that final.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
