I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
