how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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