I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
