never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize