It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
