I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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