i wish there were pregnant emoticons
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it glows. i had to have it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
