On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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