ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
