so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
