apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
