Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
