I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
