I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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