I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
