He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
