So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
