Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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