no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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