i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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