i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize