I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
