Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
