I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
