ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found puke in my bra..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
