dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
