tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
