I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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