im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everclear isn't food dammit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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