too bad you live with your parents still
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
