can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
