your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
