Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
