My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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