Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have already put on my inside pants.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
