So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
