I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
