were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
