Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
