I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
