Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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