so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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