Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
