I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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