No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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