Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
