I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
