don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
