I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
