it was like a zeppelin in a condom
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
