There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize