We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
