guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
