I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
