Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
