I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
