the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
