This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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