Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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