Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
