one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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